Motherhood is a life-changing experience. It has its beautiful moments. There are memories you will cherish forever, and you try to savor every precious moment that you can, especially while your child is little. The good.

But, it also has challenging experiences. The bad and the ugly.

The Good.

Undoubtedly, there are countless precious moments with our children.

Hearing their giggles… inhaling their scent… enjoying their warmth…

These are part of the wonderful memories we create with them. We even take countless pictures to remember these short years.

Mother Nature hardwires us to release a hormone called Oxytocin so that we can bond with them. But, what happens when we can’t bond?

The Bad.

I will admit. Even though the years are short, the days are LONG!

We are sleep-deprived, overstimulated, neglecting ourselves, taking care of an ongoing to-do list, can’t seem to catch up with dishes and laundry…. and the list goes on and on.

But I’m not just talking about the things seen on the surface.

I mostly mean what is not always seen… what is felt.

Mom, I see you.

Yes, you are tired and you just want a moment to breathe. But, I also see that you need more.

You love your kids, but raising tiny humans, especially when you feel alone, is HARD. It is OVERWHELMING.

You need help. You need someone to see you, or at least hear you and let you enjoy a FRESH hot cup of coffee, not something reheated 5 times!

The Ugly.

I mentioned bonding with your baby. What happens when you cannot bond with your baby? In some cases, this means that you are dealing with postpartum depression. It is something that should not be taken lightly.

Postpartum depression is much more than simple baby blues and feeling sad.

You feel angry and you don’t know why.

You want to connect but you can’t.

You find yourself crying out of frustration, yet the tears don’t relieve the pressure.

You are more than stressed. You are overwhelmed.

On top of all this, you might be feeling anxious all the time! Intrusive thoughts more than likely creep in. You feel paranoid. You feel like you can’t say anything.

You feel trapped.

You feel buried under all of the expectations, diapers, and mom dirt. (Mom dirt – the sweat, tears, food, spit-up, and/or whatever else may be on you that you can’t shower off when you want)

Postpartum depression affects more moms than is known. It is a serious issue. Yes, society belittles us for trying to find help or ask questions as to why we feel this way!

YOU ARE NOT BROKEN

There is nothing wrong with you!

I can talk about the ugly side of motherhood and create an encyclopedia on it. But motherhood is not mostly ugly, messy, and bad.

There is a way to not feel overwhelmed and suffocated while trying to love your child.

What to do?

1. Say something! Acknowledge that something is wrong. This is usually the first step.
2. Get help. You should talk to your doctor or find help that works for you. Help that will keep both you and your baby safe.
3. Check-in. If you are reading this because you think someone you know is struggling, check-in with them. Motherhood is beautiful, but it can also be incredibly lonely.
4. Reach out. Getting mom friends, or acquaintances, can help you out tremendously.
5. Exercise. I may sound like a broken record here, but regular exercise can help. I personally don’t get the feel-good hormone release when I workout, but working out has helped me lose the baby fat and feel closer to myself.
6. Eat right. Having a well-balanced diet can help you out. Not for weight-loss purposes. As moms, especially breastfeeding moms, our hormones are going nuts! Watching what you eat, avoiding as many artificial additives as possible, and enjoying your favorite treat once in a while can go a long way.
7. Let it out. Mom, you need to let your emotions out. Keeping things bottled up hurts everyone involved. It hurts you, your baby, your spouse/partner, your family, your friends, and even the dog! Let it out. Cry. Journal. Something.
8. Let someone experience their emotions. Letting yourself, or even your mom friend, express themselves is necessary. Telling someone “It’ll be okay,” “there are worse things,” or whatever is not cool! You should not rob someone of their right to express themselves.
9. Stop feeding the vulture. Do you know the voice in your head that can tell you how to feel? Or the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other? The voice and the little devil are the vultures. This is not easy, but stop feeding them your self-doubt. I know I just told you to let out your emotions, but letting out your emotions and feeding your inner demon are two different things.
10. Remember. You are strong! I know it is easy to feel weak and defeated. But, you need to remind yourself that you are strong. You grew a soul and birthed it! Your body changed dramatically. And, you are here! Take a step back and see how far you’ve come along. Be proud of yourself.
11. Find time for self-care. You probably hear this a lot, but self-care is important. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t take care of our little ones.
12. Give yourself self-love. Self-love is different from self-care. But you need to learn to love yourself. It’s the hardest thing you might have to do. It was hard for me to do. But, it helps.

Takeaways

I am by no means a professional, but these are things I did to help me heal mentally, get through the bad and the ugly, and enjoy more goods.

It is important to take care of yourself. It is important to look out for your mom friends. It is important to make sure your significant other is alright.

A mom will struggle to raise and bond with her child if she is not taken care of.

I missed out on a part of my child’s life because I struggled to bond due to depression. But you don’t have to miss out on everything.

I believe in you.

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